TENTH ENTRY

Sometimes giving up is not a choice. Even we disappointed with something but because of our beloved people in our life, we can't give up. It's not because of yourself but u make a decision depends on others. Its hard.. Its sad.. That's what happen to me.. At least I know that there's someone that really love and care about me even I need sacrifice a little bit for them..

AND THAT'S WHAT I CALL FAMILY 

mood at this time~

i dunt know..so sad.. 

NINTH ENTRY

Bismillahirahmanirahim..

Dear Diary

This week is busies week. Hum.I don't have enough time to write something in my blog but because of 'something' that happen today, I need therapy. I don't want to list all those problem that make me sick now but I wanna write something that can remind me,'Please Don't Do This Things To Other People'..Its just simple,if others do it at u and u will angry,so same goes to u.
Every time I make new friends, they will said,"I just a simple person". is that true?huh..Girls,Ladies,Women are not such that as simple as what we thinks. After all, I realize that that I'm not simple as what people always said. Yes, I am..I'm too complicated, as complicated as I cannot understand me very well. Is it my fault being such complicated person? I don't wanna be like that but I'm just human.
During my childhood, I'm always wanna be a boy...to be continue..

EIGHT ENTRY

Since I'm wrote about study 5 minutes ago, so I decide to make some check list for me to improve my focus during study time.

MY PROBLEM DURING STUDY

• If study kat rumah, bila start je study, I will rase gatal kat seluruh badan n start garu sana and sini
• Then I always observe myself especially kuku and rase mcm nak potong kuku
• Plus perut rasa lapar and tekak rasa dahaga. 
• Mata rasa mengatuk and start nak berehat 5 minute and end up with tidur paling kejap 1 jam
• Then masalah gatal-gatal tuh tak hilang2 but if study di uni x de lah pulak penyakit gatal2 seluruh badan tuh
• Also rasa gatal kepala even hari2 dah syampu and dah mandi 2 kali sehari and if study di uni masalah kegatalan nih x lah pulak datang.
• And rasa badan nih perlu mandi then end up with mandi and x smabung study. Sebab pernah dgr motivator ckp nak study badan kena fresh. Konon lah kan.
• Bila semangat berkobar-kobar nak study and dah start choose buku untuk di baca suddenly when I look at my desk yang bersepah dan berhabuk padahal on that time kat desk tuh ade 2,3 bijik je buku, my spirit to study will fade.
• Plus if dah start on laptop sambil study, I will start googling and facebooking sana sini
• Ok, If study di uni pulak masalah lain akan datang seperti main2 internet (of course lebih2 lagi if kwn kat sebelah tgh gelak2 duk layan youtube) tergugat semangat
• Study kejap then rasa ngantuk then your friend said take 5 and tdr kjap then I'll wake u up 5 minutes later.
• Of course bila bgn, I'll said kjutkan 15 minutes later n later n smpailah balik ke rumah n zzzzZZZZZ..
• Bila soalan assignment or your revision rase susah then trus ttup buku and main intenet or tidur.

to be continue....


Steps To Solve My Problem
will edit later..if ade cadangan to help me to solve my problem amatlah di alu-alukan..

SEVENTH ENTRY

WORK ON YOUR OWN.BE INDEPENDENT..

A reminder for myself. Please and please tranquiliser be independent as u can. Don't take care what others will tell about u as long as what u did is right. Always give your hope and you love to Allah. Don't u afraid to make mistakes and always correct it. The most problematic thing about me is I'm always rely on others and I'm on focus when doing something especially study. Please n please focus on your study. Focus and focus. Its hard for me. Sigh..

mood at this time~

mamai since it is 4.57 a.m..but alhamdulillah Allah give me chance to wake up early and do some assignment this morning. 

SIXTH ENTRY

Wake up late. That's what makes me berserabut. Wateve problem it is start yourday with Bismillah and Al'Fatihah. Semoga hari ini lebih baik dari semalam dan aku dapat lupakan segala kesedihan,kemarahan semalam. Ya Allah bantulah aku. Aku hanyalah hambamu yang lemah. Aku bukan Saidatina Khadijah, bukan juga Saidatina Aisyah namun untuk menjadi setabah Sumaiyyah apetah lagi. Bantu lah aku Ya Allah. Bantulah aku. Pegang lah aku. Bukan untuk hari ini sahaja namun untuk selama-lamnya. Pegang lah aku supaya bila aku jatuh, aku dapat bangun, bila aku duduk aku dapat berdiri kembali bila dan bila di setiap keadaan aku dapat bersama mu. Aku betul-betul rindukan dirimu ya Allah. Ampunkanlah aku kerana aku tidak sebaik Cik Joyah yang selalu mengajak aku ke arah kebaikan. Tidak juga seperti Cik Bedah yang sentiasa istiqamah dalam dakwahnya. Bukan juga seperti Cik Timah yang berpakaian lengkap seperti muslimah pilihan. Ampunkan lah aku Ya Allah kerana aku adalah aku,yang masih terpinga-pinga untuk mencari diri sendiri. Namun jauh di sudut hati kecilku, aku mengharap untuk menjadi yang terbaik walau diri ini penuh dengan dosa-dosa dan kekotoran yang lampau.

mood at this time~

hope yg terbaik untuk hari ini..a little bit serabut..astaufirullahalazim..

FIFTH ENTRY

Perasaan aku berubah-berubah terlalu cepat. Aku dapat rasakan diriku masih belum pulih sepenuhnya. I really noticed that. Maybe some people doesn't understand what I'm trying to say but who am I to refuse what Allah give to me. I'm try to avoid things that can fade my spirit, my strength, my mood but sometimes its not under my control. I really feel its so hard on me. Hard and hard. Its not what I can say at this moment. But every times its happen, I still give hope to myself. Hope n hope. That's the only thing why I'm still here, I'm still alive even I feel weak, sad, angry, dying..

mood at this moment~

angry.sad.tired.sick of everything.bored. but hope something unpredictable from Allah.

gimme that strength Ya Allah

FOURTH ENTRY

Just coming back from open house. A good therapy for me. Meet with friends especially when they treat me like their family members even I'm not their close friends. Thanks guys especially Kak Su, Kak Joyah Kak Timah, Kak Aisyah, Kak Bedah..Plus the food is awesome. This is what I call home in overseas. And now I'm at uni, struggling doing my assignment. Ya Allah the deadline is in this Friday. And I also need to prepare earlier for final exams. Till this stage, I don't wanna take care what others think and tell about me..Gimme that strength.

mood at this time~

alhamdulillah..just fine..keep it up MINE

THIRD ENTRY

Why I'm like not like you? 

Why my fate is soo unlucky?

Why it is too hard for me?

Why its soo easy to others?

Why Allah give this burden to me?

Why n why?

STOP ASKING BIG GIRL. If u really wanna know the answer please and please stop asking that question. Till then u only can get the answer after stop questioning all those question. Find it yourself and please and please be close to He. Only He can answer u..please..please be strong..not for others but for yourself..

mood at this time~

semangat!!semangat ubtuk belajar..semangat untuk hidup..

alhamdulillah..kekal kan ia dlm hatiku ya Allah.

SECOND ENTRY

Sangat susah bila hidup ini berpura-pura. Lebih malang jika ianya hanya lah satu-satunya pilihan yang ada. Betul ke tak ade pilihan yang lain? Atau aku yang belum menemui pilihan-pilihan yang lain selain berpura-pura. Apepun hanya satu yang kumahukan sekarang, aku mahu Allah sentiasa ade dalam hatiku, dekat dengan diriku. Kuatkan aku Ya Allah.

mood at this time~

penat..sigh

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